Holding Hands Holding Hearts

I am convinced this is the best book I have read on Christian dating for adults that I've read so far. It takes Biblical principles of a healthy marriage and work backwards to a healthy Biblical dating relationship. The foundations for a healthy, godly marriage begin while dating. Here are some points I gleamed from this book:

• The intimacy of romance - both physical and emotional intimacy - is one that binds two people tightly together. If we don't treat our own and other's hearts carefully, there will be a lot of pain and bleeding. A broken heart is no small matter, as so many of us know from experience. This is the cause of untold pain in our world today, and Christians need to respond to affairs of the heart with respect, with care, and with the wisdom that God is able to give. According to the Bible's perspective, if you are dating you are not just holding hands, you are holding hearts. (14 &15)
  
• Godly friends on both sides should be aware of the relationship to give counsel, to pray for blessing, and to provide accountability. If the woman is living near her parents, it would be even better for a man to approach her father first, or if that is not possible, to approach his or her pastor for godly counsel and support. The point is that when a man is out with a Christian woman, he must remember that she is someone who belongs in a community, a family, and a church (117).
• Here's another question related to first dates: "Is it okay for a man and woman to hang out together a lot when they have no romantic interest in one another?" First of all, if you are part of a nonromantic male-female couple, who enjoy each other's company and are emotionally connected, and yet neither of you has romantic aspirations for the relationship, you are the first one of these we have ever encountered in years of experience with Christian singles. For this reason and others, we recommend against the practice of adult men and women "just hanging out together." (121 & 122)
• Jealousy, in proper proportions, is a biblically approved attitude toward one's potential spouse, and in the real world the casual guy or gal friend is no help to a healthy romance (122).

The authors, Rick and Sharon Phillips, also include some specific suggestions for how Christian men can put the principles of Ephesians 5:22-28 and 1 Peter 3:1-7 into action in a dating relationship (77 &78):

• Commit to take the lead in the godliness of your relationship. Take the lead in establishing boundaries that will keep you from sexual sin. Treat her as the precious sister in Christ that she is.
• Decide in advance whether or not you are willing to love a woman in the self-sacrificing, nurturing way the Bible describes. Until you are ready to faithfully hold a woman's heart in your hand, do not enter into a dating relationship.
• Ask her the kinds of things she likes to do and be eager to spend time doing them.
• Be willing to talk about the relationship. Initiate honest dialogue about how you feel. Do not resent her desire to have the relationship defined, but protect her heart by making clear the appropriate kind of intimacy to go along with that commitment.
• Pay attention to her heart. Ask her about her burdens and cares. Seek ways to minister to her and to make her cares your own. Instead of being critical of her, speak words of encouragement and support.
• Do not be shy in administering the Word of God to her.
  
• If something about her bothers you, think about how you can encourage her in that area.

The authors also give suggestions as to how submission and respect look in dating relationship for a woman (85-87):

• A woman should allow the man to initiate the relationship. This doesn't mean she does nothing. She helps! She makes herself accessible to him and helps him to make conversation, putting him at ease and encouraging him as opportunities arise.
• A godly woman should speak positively and respectfully about her boyfriend, both when with him and when apart.
• She should give honest attention to his interests and respond to his attention and care by opening up her heart.
• She should recognize the sexual temptations with which a single man will normally struggle. She will dress attractively but modestly, and will avoid potentially compromising situations. She must resist temptation to encourage sexual liberties as a way to win his heart.
• The Christian woman should build up the man with God's Word and give encouragement to godly leadership. She should allow and seek biblical encouragement from the man she is dating.
• She should make "helping" and "respecting" the watchwords of her behavior toward a man.
  
• She must remember that this is a brother in the Lord. She should not be afraid to end an unhealthy relationship, but should seek to do so with charity and grace. Should the relationship not continue forward, the godly woman will ensure that her time with a man will have left him spiritually blessed.