Walls We Build

Imagine a wall that is so impenetrable, much like a bullet proof vest. Not like the wall at a bank that separates you from the tellers but an unseen wall that protects your mind and soul.

Many of you know exactly what I am talking about, the wall you build to protect your heart and soul from emotional destruction, not just love relationships but friendships also. It's hard to say how or when the wall begins, but over time it gets taller, thicker and more and more impenetrable. Things like crying are looked upon as weak or a vulnerability that is not afforded. To the outside world you are one tough cookie but in reality you are sensitive and hurt easily but never allow the world to see that.

The wall helps to keep you just the right distance away from your emotions. It keeps you from allowing others to reach out to you due to your reluctance to open your heart. Many times we talk about wanting more intimacy in our lives but just when we get what we want we somehow sabotage ourselves. We are afraid to fall too fast because the more we trust someone the easier it is for him or her to break our heart. There are times when we get tired of being strong and holding up this wall.

This intimacy with another allows us to be vulnerable, implying that we may get hurt. Although it is safe within the wall it gets very lonely with nobody they allow in. Eventually these walls become too high for you to climb over and you become a prisoner of your own doing.

Trust is not an easy thing. Friends come and go, boyfriend/girlfriends come and go; it hurts each time. Do we really want to do it all over again, break down the wall just to have to rebuild it?

The strongest base for a relationship is a good friendship with honesty, communication and genuineness. If you find someone who proves these to you it helps to break down barriers. Who do you trust though? Can the wall be broken? Can you trust enough to break down that wall?

Ok, so one day you break down the wall, can it stay down? Will the smallest thing make you buy all the mortar and bricks and build a new wall bigger and better, one that makes the Great Wall of China look like a backyard fence? The saying goes "The hardest thing is loving someone and having the courage to let them love you back" What do you think? Do you have a wall? If you had one, how did you break it down?

Insecurities - Leave Me Alone!

"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come." Proverbs 31:25

A friend and I have been reading and discussing Beth Moore's most recent book "So Long Insecurity". I have enjoyed our discussion immensely. It's no surprise that this book hits home more than I care to admit and facing those insecurities have brought me to my knees in prayer on numerous occasions. I'm beginning to realize that insecurity is sure sign of unbelief!

The scripture above is one that Beth brought out in Chapter 8 and I find myself clinging to this verse when insecurity rears its ugly head. I tend to put on the "tough girl" act but deep down inside I battle daily with insecurities and to be honest I am so tired of it. It has been comforting to know that I'm not the only one and to actually have someone that I can talk to about those insecurities is such a blessing from God.

One of the biggest insecurities in my life deal with relationships. I'm horrible at relationships. Relationships are a struggle for me in that I constantly doubt myself. Some of the crazy things will trigger my insecurity. Things like. . .

1. Getting an offhanded comment from a person who has teeny stench of superiority about him/her.
2. My girlfriends go out and don't invite me.
3. I get a three line response to an email that took me an hour to write.
4. I pour out my heart to someone and they just don't get it.
5. I catch my significant other looking/talking to another woman (she might be a friend or a stranger)

The list could go on and on. Needless to say when the insecurities come, so does stupid behavior and then desire to give myself a swift kick in the behind. Oh to be rid of the insecurities!

A Heart Problem

"For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matthew 12:34)

The thoughtless and malicious use of the truth can be as devastating to others and to our witness as outright and intentional dishonesty, not to mention what it does to our spiritual life. Truth can be used as a weapon to hurt someone. Simply because something is true does not mean it should be repeated. Unnecessarily repeating a truth about someone can destroy their faith in people (especially within the body) and cause them to withdraw from the church fellowship. In Matthew 12:34, Jesus says the words we use reveal the condition of our hearts, which is his primary concern. He is interested in what we say and do, but he's more interested in the motives behind them. Before we say anything about someone, we should follow THINK. Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? Is it necessary? And, is it kind?

From time to time, I've been guilty of telling something about another that person that, although true, caused terrible pain (and the sad part is I got some sort of perverse joy from it). In an effort to rid my life of this sin, I've had to think about ways that Satan can tempt us to misuse truth in hurtful and destructive ways.

A friend may tell me something about herself in confidence, but I find the temptation to share this information with some one else irresistible. I've violated the confidence of a friend and used a truth to destroy a relationship, perhaps forever.

I may have witnessed the stumbling of a fellow Christian who has fallen into sin. As a fellow believer, what should be my attitude toward that person? As Jesus modeled forgiveness, kindness, and redemption for the woman caught in adultery, I should love and pray for that person and seek to help him/her repent of their sin and return to a Godly lifestyle. I should never shoot the wounded, but help them to heal.

I've been know to pride myself in "telling it like it is." But, there is a huge difference in telling it like it is and being pure, holy, and edifying in my speech. Sometimes telling it like it is may not please God. I don't have to say it just because it is true. I don't have to share that juicy morsel of gossip just because it turns out to be fact. My words reveal what I am really like deep down in my heart. An apple tree doesn't produce grapes and a grapevine doesn't produce apples. If I'm walking close to Christ, my wholesome speech will be the fruit of that relationship. Words of kindness and hurtful words should never come from the same mouth. If I have an untamed tongue (and I do at times), it is because I have an impure heart.

The heart of the problem is a problem of the heart. Let's pray that God will give us hearts and minds modeled after Jesus and make a commitment to never us the truth to damage someone ever again. Being careful about what we say and how we say it is a sign of Christian maturity. "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."(Ephesians 4:29)

Spring Training

We traveled to Lakeland on Monday for the Braves/Tiger Spring Training game. It was a beautiful day for baseball. It's always a joy watching David at a game. The boy could seriously eat, drink, and breathe baseball.





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Spring Photo Shoot with Angela

On Saturday Angela and I drove over to West Palm Beach to do a photo shoot. I have been begging for months to do one with her and she finally relented. I loved the outcome! Now if I can talk David into doing one!